Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Readjusting my goals and coming out of hiding

I've been reviewing my weight ups and downs over the last 4 months. It has certainly been a mite yo-yo-ish, and rather slow. One thing perhaps that may be deterring me is the huge mountain I am to descend - hmm, decreasing my mountainous belly??!! ;) so, I have readjusted my initial goal weight to 265 lbs, which is about the lowest I weighed in the last 4 years. And at that weight, my life was certainly much more enjoyable! :) It also seems to be a far more achievable goal to go for now, and perhaps get down to that weight in 6 months or so might be possible.

My other goals for the next 6 months:
Find some new housemates
Find & keep some excellent new clients
See more of my friends
Really make a go of my allotment this year
Swim 2 miles!
Walk a 5k
Cycle everywhere!
Have a go at dinghy sailing again
Keep on decluttering and beautifying my home :)
Desist from hiding away because of my weight.

I've been reading feng shui and self-help books over this holidays, and they both basically say the same thing: make the intent, meditate on the wish, and then take action to create the outcome I want.

This next 6 months is going to be all about action. A C T I O N. The doing of. The getting out there and getting on with it. No matter how small any of my actions may be, my purpose is to do it. Whether it is a small thing like getting out of the house and going for a 10 minute walk or a much bigger thing like calling up a company and selling my services.

Got to say the second thing kind of freaks me out a little, I am so loathe to push myself forward. But. If I don't do it, how will those companies or people out there know that I am the person for the job? So, got to do it. And I think the more I do it, the less fraught I will feel about the inevitable 'thanks, but no thanks' I might get, because at some point there will be a 'yes' and a 'can I see more' and 'would you be interested in this project' :) And I am not going to allow myself to use my weight as an excuse. So what if I am fat. What matters is that the service I provide is what my client wants, and that I deliver on time, on budget and a product they are pleased to have.

The activity thing too is something I have to keep up. It is cold and miserable at the moment, and I'm totally disinclined to go out. But. Every time I do, I find my mood lifts, and I feel good that I've done my little walk. This will equally apply to any swim or squats or whatever exercise thing I hit upon doing.

When I look back at 2010, I find that I've done a lot of soul searching, looking back into my past, seeing my previous actions in a different light, and most of all, being kind to myself, instead of denigrating myself. I think that last has been the best, and most positive thing I've learned to do this year. I realise I have a long way to go, but right now, I am growing in my own self-confidence, and self-esteem, and learning to make better choices every day. I like myself so much more than I did last year. That is such a good feeling. :)

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