Saturday, 13 November 2010

Day 81 A Morning Thought

I woke up this morning thinking that the reason I am sabotaging my weight-loss efforts is because I am afraid. I am afraid of who I am underneath this familiar persona of the fat woman. I am afraid to relinquish the security of my fat. And also, I am afraid of change.

I ate a lot of bread products yesterday again. And although I did do some walking it was mostly up and down in the house wearing my MBTs to give my leg muscles a little bit of an extra workout. No swim, no outside walk. When I am feeling down I get a little agoraphobic & sleep a lot.

Another thing I thought about was that perhaps I am subconsciously punishing myself for dreaming of being 'more' - the euphoria of peer approval on Wednesday, translated to deep dark pessimism on Thursday & Friday. Time to have another look at my head, and perhaps not worry so much about the food. Just keep trying to eat healthily, and well.

Other things that may be making my head unsettled - I am tidying up the various piles of clutter that exist in the house, and with each cleared surface, and each emptied and re-sorted box, the chaos surrounding me is lifting. And perhaps my mind doesn't want to see the cleared areas, it would rather hide in the muddled safe & familiar chaos. Having written all this I can see lots of points I can do some EFT on which may help me, and perhaps get me back into the mindset of getting on with my plan for change, instead of subtly sabotaging it at every turn.

Here's another thought for me to ponder on:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world... " 
(Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles")

1 comment:

  1. EFT! I would really be interested in hearing more of your experiences with it. A couple of years ago, I was trying it learn it, and read all about it and was doing it. But I didn't really find it made any difference. Maybe I gave up too soon, I dunno.

    You are working on so many areas.. like the de-cluttering. Me too! One thing I know, is that we need to be patience with ourselves. It is a process, and we do learn as we go. I know I tend to try to change too many things, too fast, and then flub up. :-O But we can do this... we just need to keep going, no matter what.

    And let nothing stop us! Let your intuition guide you... if you sense you need to concentrate on one area more than another, you are most likely right. I've found that it will usually be uncomfortable, those changes, but they really are breakthroughs!

    Progress... not perfection. :-)