A weekend 2 lb loss, hurrah! Goal setting and squid tales.

I've been feeling really miserable about my lack of success and lack of motivation or seeming lack of ability to persevere. A few days ago the scale said I was 315 lbs, but yesterday it dropped me by a pound, and today by another pound, so perhaps now I am decreasing instead of increasing. My legs have been feeling very heavy and tight for the last few weeks - a consequence of too much sitting, no exercise and eating indiscriminately. The last few days I have endeavored to lessen my intake of starchy carbohydrates and this seems to have gained me a result. I'm feeling much better now, and so hopeful, that I sat down this morning and made myself a really long list of goals in all areas of my life.

I've never really set specific goals before. A couple of days ago I read a blog which sent me to this link: How to keep a resolution and the various stages we go through. I found it very useful! I can see I have been flipping between stage 2 - contemplation and stage 3 - preparation for the last few months. I've been full of conflicting emotions, ambivalence, plus experimenting with small changes, collecting all sorts of information, having small successes and regressing...

I went to sleep last night thinking 'I have to change.' I woke several times in the middle of the night because my dreams were so vivid, and they were all about changing states (wierd and wonderful ways, not just getting slimmer! I have been reading a lot of fantasy recently). The constant thought each time I woke was 'I want this change for the better.' I'd feel the weight and heaviness of my legs and I would think, 'I want this to change for the better.' It is now a constant refrain in my head.

I am so ready now to shuttle between stage 3 - preparation and stage 4- action now. Stage 4 is all about taking direct action towards achieving a goal. Buying some new walking shoes. I've been doing some research online and am hitting the local sports outlet tomorrow. Stating my goal intent of walking 1 mile today? I've found my existing trainers and am planning a gentle walk that I've mapped out in googlemap pedometer.  Planning my lunchtime swim every day this week. Got my swim kit all ready to go. And am telling self that it is okay to wash my hair every day, so long as I condition it each time! Rewarding myself with a small cash incentive stashed away towards a fun holiday for each activity I do. This is going to pay for fab walking/painting/sailing holidays over the coming year. A very good incentive! The more activity I do, the fitter and slimmer I become, and the more likely I am to enjoy this summer running around doing active things.

This was another motivator. This summer I want to enjoy myself. Not feel like a beached gasping whale out of its element. I'm going to be a happy go lucky dolphin or perhaps killer whale ;) enjoying herself having fun. Bitchcakes also gave me a reframe to think about. Nothing is hard. Any activity I have not done before is interesting, challenging, unusual, teaches me new stuff, shows me the depths of my resourcefulness, engages my attention totally because it is all about learning. And I do it until I get proficient, like learning to walk. And learning is FUN!

A great little example today is my making calamari. I spotted a squid (an unusual event!) for sale at the supermarket's fish counter. I've always bemoaned the fact restaurant calamari is only ever the rings in this country. And here was my chance to experience eating tentacles! A humungous creature, easily a foot long and pricey, but I had to have it. I was going to try my hand at making calamari. I put it off for a day (nerves!), and this morning I had to gut the thing, clean out all the slimy innards, and rub off all the outer covering. My hands were f-f-f-f-freezing running it under the cold tap! Endless scrubbing and fishing about! Definitely a viscous chore! I thought I'd never get done. But then I did, and I was amazed. I have never done this before, a first for me, and in future I will know what to expect, and perform this chore quicker. :) Cat was a very interested observer throughout! But she turned her nose up at raw squid. Then to the frying. I really don't like deep frying - an inherent cautiousness around hot fat. But I told myself to be prudent in the choice of vessel - a nice deep one, and only filled it about 2 inches deep. Following all instructions in the recipe I made myself my first ever calamari. It was yummy. A little home-made mayo and a home made chilli dipping sauce, fresh watercress and fresh tomatoes made this a fabulous first effort. And cat totally approved of crispy tentacle...I also feel quite guilt free about this meal because of all the effort that went into the making of it, since it is a fish meal that isn't white fish, and also because breakfast today was honey sweetened citrus & melon fruit salad of minimal calories. It hasn't triggered off any carby cravings either. :) My snacks so far today have been 1/3 cup dried fruits and nuts, a banana, a couple of tangerines and 50g of Green & Black's Cherry Chocolate. And lots of tea!

BREAKFAST MEDLEY OF ORANGES, PINK, WHITE & RED
GRAPEFRUIT WITH A COUPLE OF SLICES OF
GALIA MELON; ROOBIOS TEA

SNACK PLATTER THIS MORNING

Sadly no photo of my calamari - the phone camera ran out of juice!

I know this is a small effort in doing new things, and in a realm that I already enjoy experimenting in. But my happiness in scaling this little mountain - conquering my squeamishness at the feel of the fish, and focusing instead on the prettiness of the squid as its lustrous white flesh was revealed, reaped me such dividends. I've expanded my cooking horizon, and am so chuffed with myself for conquering my fear of deep frying also. It isn't something I plan to do often, but I'm so pleased that any future deep frying efforts will be conducted with confidence.

On the exercise & pounds coming off front: I'll post again when I have something of significance to write about.