Saturday, 8 January 2011

Day 137 Back on the food wagon

For a while there, my eating was completely emotional. I'm still under a lot of stress to deliver on this project, and I guess my emotional feelings about it are very ambivalent. I can't seem to get up the enthusiasm or the ability to create, or perhaps what I am thinking inside as I make this thing is that it is a sad and grotesque creature, a long long way from my initial happy creation. Perhaps that is why I am dragging my heels on it, maybe hoping for some miracle to effect a transformation to change the pig ear to silk purse...and to deal with it I have been eating in my usual stress fashion, indiscriminately cramming in processed carbs and fat - bread, butter, biscuits, least not in such 'large' quantities as a few years previously, but a definite turn for the worse from my much better eating habits of recent months.

I took a break from it today and last night. Instead I concentrated on catching up with my sleep, and tidying up various other corners of my home. Again, the pervading feeling I get when I walk into a newly re-claimed area is one of satisfaction and quiet peace. Which is lovely. How do I get that same feeling when I deal with this recalcitrant project? I think what I will do for the rest of the evening is visualize a happy outcome to this project, and sleep on it. Tomorrow is another day. A fresh day. A fresh eye to cast over it. And maybe a day to make it look wonderful.

I do believe that the tidying up has helped me rein in my eating urges. My new fridge arrived today. Happy days! It is smaller than my last one, and has a little freezer at the top. Perfectly sized for my smaller eating habits. :) And my smaller shopping trips. I'm working on the premise that with a smaller fridge, like a smaller plate, I will be happy and satisfied when I fill it up. Got to say my food shopping too has improved so much. I used to spend vast amounts, now I spend less, and buy less, and in smaller quantities and much more discriminatingly.

I've had my treat for the day, this time it was a Fry's Turkish Delight. Beer for another day. Rest of day was good. A couple of slices of oats & seeds wholemeal toast with peanut butter, no butter for breakfast, spicy home made minestrone for lunch, a proper oven baked potato with a measured amount of butter for teatime, then spaghetti puttanesca for dinner. Lots of lapsang souchong tea. I still feel tired and out of sorts, but better than yesterday.

Good things about today. I remember seeing a perfect slice of crescent moon when I opened the curtains this moring. :) Later on I got inspired to get my sketch book and pencils out AND draw a picture..., did a quick sketch of my cat :) That is the FIRST drawing I have done that had nothing to do with work in years! I also looked up art courses on the internet, and I think I might call on Monday to check a couple of them out. One is a freestyle drawing/painting course, the other is a life drawing one.

I'm thinking here about this: about doing the same things over and over and expecting to get a different result. Perhaps this is what I have to do. Take a different approach to solving my creative dilemma with work. Look at the project in a different way. :) How I wish I could do yoga shoulder stands! Hehe. Now that's a funny concept, working on my computer while upside down...

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