Another day bites the dust. Or food overbites.
I am freaking out quietly I think. I manage to do most of the day okay, then it comes round to about 7pm and I find myself in the kitchen studying the cupboards, the fridge, the freezer. My subconscious has a stronger grip on me than the desire to become healthy :( I'm slightly frantic as I slice open the bacon package & fry up 6 slices, and eat them standing up, while in the oven has gone a pepperoni pizza & a pack of ready rolled pastry with 3 sliced bramley apples and slatherings of sugar. I remember at the time thinking WHAT? But still being unable to stop myself.
Result: uncomfortably full again. At least I didn't eat all the apple pastry thing. Am dumping the rest into the recycling so am not tempted.
My cupboards are looking emptier and emptier. Perhaps that is the subconscious wish? Dunno.
Breakfast: weetabix, milk, roobios tea
Lunch: 3 oz rice (uncooked weight), 2 oz puy lentils (uncooked weight) 2 tablespoons Linghams Ginger Garlic Chilli sauce, 1 tablespoon Sainsbury's low-fat French Dressing. roobios tea
Snack: Roobios tea, sugar-free jelly 1/3 pint
Dinner: leftover potato salad (fullfat mayo), a spoonful of bulghur wheat salad and two Quorn Southern style burgers. More roobios tea
Stuff face meal: 6 rashers bacon fried (no added fat), 1 Dr Oetker's Pizza Ristorante Supreme pepperoni ham cheese pizza ( probably a million cals, I didn't look), and 2/3 of a apple pie made from a package of ready rolled pastry & 3 apples and vast amounts of sugar.
I also forgot to take my medication for my hypertension. Hmm. There is a big old stinker going on in my body. Mind, conscious, and subconscious are having a big old battle.
I do want to be healthy. I do want to be fit. I do want to be active. I did a spot of hoeing in the garden today and planted a lavender bush. Hurrah! Have composed reasonable letter to annoying neighbour which I will pop through her door tomorrow. Maybe that's why I didn't want to go out today, I would have had to bring myself to a confrontation and I was weaseling away from it. And I am pissed off about the light nuisance situation, and yep that was what I was thinking about when I went off into that stuff my face thing. AHA.
Stuffing down my emotions. I'm going to do some tapping on that, and apply some CBT to that thought process and see if that particular trigger is nullified. There's probably a miliion more too, but as Gary Craig says, got to fell that forest, one tree at a time :)
Yay for positives: I did good for 3 meals - was mindful of what I ate, and actually even for the binge meal, that was me tracking it too, I know what I ate.
Maybe there is a maggot in my brain egging me into emptying the food cupboard, fridge and freezer. Actually not a bad idea, so long as I do it S-L-O-W-L-Y.
Exercise today: hoeing 5 mins, plus walked up and down stairs 3x this morning.
Read more blogs this evening, as well as watched Wire in the Blood. Found a couple of things to investigate further when I'm on my healthful journey - the c-5K running plan, and the Tippy Toe Plan. Found out about BMR and how to calculate optimum calorie intake for exercise deficits to lose weight. :) I'm getting to know a whole world of stuff here.
And now am getting in a pint of water thanks to some good advice I read. Heh. It's 3 am here, damn I am getting into a dysfunctional sleep pattern again. Z time!