This morning I woke up with this thought: I must get rid of all the starchy carbs in the house.
It doesn't feel right to me, to throw away good food. But much like giving up cigarettes all those years ago, this action is right.
Symbolism has a big impact on my psyche. When I made the true decision to quit smoking, rather than the lip service of 'after this pack has finished', I still had most of a pack of cigarettes left. I methodically, and ceremoniously soaked and shredded each stick and ripped the box into little pieces. When they were nothing more than a mass of sopping wet bits of paper, filters and shreds of tobacco, I threw it all into the bin, telling myself this was it. My first day of many being a non-smoker. To help me too, I immediately put away all the rest of the smoker paraphernalia - ashtrays, matches, lighters, and vowed to myself that my home was now a smoking-free zone. It took me a while to lose the craving, and I did backslide now and then. But the end result is today I am a non-smoker. I don't have cigarettes in the house, I prefer my friends who do smoke, to smoke out in the garden, and I smell so much better these days :) Success!
So, despite my qualms about throwing away good food, I am prepping myself to do this. It has to be a fairly dramatic gesture for it to make an impact on my subconscious. And a symbolic date too. That is the key, I believe, to my success in changing my diet and lifestyle forever. Because I don't want to be the diabetic, high blood pressure, asthmatic sufferer any more. I saved my lungs before, I can save the rest of me again.
As it is dry food, perhaps to salve my conscience I will put it all into the garden where it can feed little creatures in the ground while it rots down. I've just had a flash thought of a Ancient Greek tale of Psyche's trials set by Aphrodite, one of them involved sorting out a mess of mixed grains and pulses...and she was helped by little creatures :)
Goodbye basmati rice, you big sackful, you! Goodbye flour, I shall miss making bread with you - maybe one day long into the future we'll meet again occasionally. Goodbye pasta, oh, how I will miss you, my favourite - but I have managed these few weeks without you already.
My ceremony is going to have stages this time. Clearing my cupboards. Pouring all those foodstuffs together in a heap in the garden and mixing it with compost. Then digging it into the earth once it has rotted down a little. I'm not throwing away good food, I am returning it to the earth, where it will feed the ground and eventually feed my plants - giving me beautiful flowers and fruit. Psychologically this will help my mind to accept this behaviour.
Why has this come to a head now? I have noticed that instead of getting smaller, my arms seem to have gotten bigger, bulkier and the skin feels tight on them. My thighs have expanded, and also feel tight. My belly has lost that loose skin feel it had three months ago. Although I have changed my habits and generally don't eat as much starchy carbs as before, I still have access to them in my home. It is time to gather all those remaining bags and pack them off. It is time to make a clean break finally. It is time to give myself another gift of good health :)