So here I am again. It's been a dreadful summer for me. I slumped into a depression that segued into feeling panicky about getting out of the house, kept putting off going shopping, cancelled appointments and basically hid under the covers. Not good. I'm feeling a little better now, because I have run out of meds, and I am almost positive being on them contributed to my slump and has probably contributed to my general meh feelings over the last few years since I started taking them.
Going to the doc tomorrow, going to ask for some help with the depression that's non-drugs, I'm also going to say that I want to try getting better without the meds, or just be on a small dose. Getting a new weight update too, I'm hoping for a same or just slightly higher number, because part of that depressive episode was feeling sorry for myself and eating stuff I really should have left on the supermarket shelf.
This last week I've been eating better. My mum told me my face looked a little thinner, yay for disappearing jowls! The fitbit will be back online too, so stepping out is my priority.
Its damp, wet and slooshy outside, but in here and in my head things are getting brighter. For inspiration I looked online at people who have rehabilitated themselves from tremendous odds. If they can do it so can I.
Thursday, 6 November 2014
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
British Summertime
I am back in the UK, and currently the weather is being gracious. Sunshine, minimal rain, temps in the low 20s. So this is good.
Am still recovering from the flight back and the jet lag, my sleep patterns are still a little all over the place. Catching up with all my medical tests, not so great, but walking to get them done, great :) The route up to the surgery is a nice one, lots of pretty plants to look at and during the morning the sunshine is ace. It also features a little bit of a slope which is still a challenge for me, but good for my heart function and lung function. Today I also went to the library, but since I was feeling a tad tired from not having any breakfast, (on account of doing a fasting blood test) I shelved the shopping till tomorrow.
I've a nice little list of NSVs too :)
My pants and underpants feel looser and much more comfortable. I can wear my XXXL T-shirt without stretching it at the bottom to fit over my hips. I can step into the bath without worrying about creaking noises from the tub. I can walk all the way up one flight of stairs using both feet instead of doing a step/rest/step/rest action. Losing 22 lbs since the start of March 2014 has given me so much more physical confidence in my body. I don't think I am snoring as much. I find it easy to get up from my ultra low sofa! And best of all, I no longer feel like a overstuffed sausage :)
I'm looking forward to an awesome summer of walking about, gardening, fixing up my house and getting fitter and healthier :)
Am still recovering from the flight back and the jet lag, my sleep patterns are still a little all over the place. Catching up with all my medical tests, not so great, but walking to get them done, great :) The route up to the surgery is a nice one, lots of pretty plants to look at and during the morning the sunshine is ace. It also features a little bit of a slope which is still a challenge for me, but good for my heart function and lung function. Today I also went to the library, but since I was feeling a tad tired from not having any breakfast, (on account of doing a fasting blood test) I shelved the shopping till tomorrow.
I've a nice little list of NSVs too :)
My pants and underpants feel looser and much more comfortable. I can wear my XXXL T-shirt without stretching it at the bottom to fit over my hips. I can step into the bath without worrying about creaking noises from the tub. I can walk all the way up one flight of stairs using both feet instead of doing a step/rest/step/rest action. Losing 22 lbs since the start of March 2014 has given me so much more physical confidence in my body. I don't think I am snoring as much. I find it easy to get up from my ultra low sofa! And best of all, I no longer feel like a overstuffed sausage :)
I'm looking forward to an awesome summer of walking about, gardening, fixing up my house and getting fitter and healthier :)
Tuesday, 10 June 2014
High blood sugar and infections
This morning's blood glucose reading was 7.2 mmol/l. Certainly higher than I want, but thankfully not so high as it could have been, so I'm good. Illness causes stress, and stress can elevate blood sugar readings.
I have a pretty bad cold - sore throat, coughing, gritty eyes, blocked ear canals & sinuses & lots of feverish episodes (sweated buckets). Am still trying to keep as much within my low carb directives, but eating fat and protein is not palatable at the moment. Fruit seems to be what I crave, so fruit is what I am eating. And soups, and stews, courtesy of my lovely Mum. Chef is ill, so Mum is back in the kitchen, bless her.
My life has now narrowed down to lying down in darkened rooms, coughing, sneezing and feeling sorry for myself. This will pass, and hopefully next week I will be back in the pool.
I have a pretty bad cold - sore throat, coughing, gritty eyes, blocked ear canals & sinuses & lots of feverish episodes (sweated buckets). Am still trying to keep as much within my low carb directives, but eating fat and protein is not palatable at the moment. Fruit seems to be what I crave, so fruit is what I am eating. And soups, and stews, courtesy of my lovely Mum. Chef is ill, so Mum is back in the kitchen, bless her.
My life has now narrowed down to lying down in darkened rooms, coughing, sneezing and feeling sorry for myself. This will pass, and hopefully next week I will be back in the pool.
Thursday, 5 June 2014
Half a stone
Got weighed today at the local Tesco machine. Awesome result! I am now 7 lbs lighter than before.
Total loss now for this summer since end of March 2014 is 19 lbs.
I am nearly 2/3 of the way to my mini goal of 30 lbs lost. Yay!
Swimming is brilliant. I've got another few weeks here with Mum. Here's to another significant loss before heading back home.
Have been investigating how much it will cost to swim when I come back, definitely worth getting a monthly season pass if I am swimming more than 2x a week. As swimming is MY preferred activity to all other forms of exercise, this is worth investing in.
All other days I can go for a nice long walk for an hour around my local park. Weekends I'm going to attempt one big walk somewhere nice, where I can enjoy the scenery.
My next goal after getting to 30lbs lost is to get to sub 300lbs. Then I am getting back on my bike, yay!
Total loss now for this summer since end of March 2014 is 19 lbs.
I am nearly 2/3 of the way to my mini goal of 30 lbs lost. Yay!
Swimming is brilliant. I've got another few weeks here with Mum. Here's to another significant loss before heading back home.
Have been investigating how much it will cost to swim when I come back, definitely worth getting a monthly season pass if I am swimming more than 2x a week. As swimming is MY preferred activity to all other forms of exercise, this is worth investing in.
All other days I can go for a nice long walk for an hour around my local park. Weekends I'm going to attempt one big walk somewhere nice, where I can enjoy the scenery.
My next goal after getting to 30lbs lost is to get to sub 300lbs. Then I am getting back on my bike, yay!
Sunday, 1 June 2014
Worries and Solutions
It's the 2nd of June and I have 3 and a half weeks more with Mum. I have been worrying of late about various things: that I don't want to leave her here by herself, what work I am going to do to support myself when I go back, how I can sustain the low carb eating and the exercise habits I have developed over the last two months. Most of it is needless. I know that I can always sell some possessions, I have too many anyway! Jobs may be scarce but knocking on doors, using my contacts and just plain applying for them is proactive and will keep me busy. The house itself could be a source of income, a housemate or two will certainly make things livelier and ease the financial strain. And Mum does have a support network of friends to keep an eye on her for a few months while I organize my life so I can return for a longer period.
Getting off my meds becomes even more imperative now. I'm disappointed that my blood pressure is still high. The last reading was a couple of days ago, 29 May, 149/88 for 68 beats/min heartrate. My fasting blood sugar reading is a little more encouraging down to 6.5 mmol/l from 1 June. I am pleased to note that on 28 May my widest part (hip and belly overhang!) measurement is now 66 inches and my waist is now 44 inches. I still feel heavy and lumbering, even though moving and getting up and walking up stairs is much easier now.
That last thought, about stairs. Maybe that is what I need to do, walk up a few flights of stairs every day. :) If swimming proves to be too expensive for me to do when I go back, walking and stairs will be my exercise. Parks and roads, towpaths are free of charge, days I have a bus ticket I can go somewhere different to my local places and still be able to get home without exhausting myself :)
I do love to swim though, so I am going to try and make that a priority in my budget and schedule.
My best scenario? No meds at all, not for hypertension or for diabetes. Eating low carb consistently, no wheat or gluten, no added sugar or excessive fruits, perhaps with some very low carb weeks and intermittent fasting. Having my finances sorted so my house pays for itself with some renters on a long lease so I can come back and stay with Mum while they are there. Finding a job or a career or building a business that I can do here and over there so I can support myself. In short, re-invent myself totally!
Heh. It's a tall order, but I can do it. Make small changes, make some big leaps, set some practical measures in place. Talk to my family, maybe they will have some good advice on how I can do this. Time to change my life around again in a major way.
The best thing is, now I do have the energy to do this.
Possessions weigh a person down. I'm going to pare mine down a lot. No doubt even after I have done my cull, I will still have lots, but it will be stuff that I can use when I come back. I'll hopefully choose some responsible housemates who will look after the house well. I'll think of some kind of business that I will enjoy and will allow me to live anywhere and still run it and make a living from it. And I get to be with my Mum.
I've just read through what I have written and laughing at myself. I am expecting a total transformation in two scant months? Hah, get real, doofus! It is going to take me a couple of years to really transform my body and my health. But the other stuff, the possessions and earning a living, that I can address now. A few months more getting healthier and maybe doc will reduce my meds or even take me off the diabetes stuff. Being fat doesn't mean my brain has stopped functioning, I can work, I just have to show people that I can. Millions of fat people have jobs. And I'm going to apply for lots. And think outside my narrow work thoughts box!
A zumba class might be fun to try when I go back, so doing some stair climbing and more walking this coming month is my addition to the 5x 1 hour swim weekly.
Writing about these worries has helped me pinpoint how to go about resolving them, instead of enlarging them in my mind to big hurdles. I'm not minimising those concerns, just making sure that my self, my subconscious gets the message that I can deal with it, and to pre-empt any tendency to go hide from the world again. I've got energy now, and the way to keep that momentum going is to keep plugging away at my present course, and start paying attention to other stuff so I can achieve this goal. So I've clarified to myself what I want to do next. So what I do next will be in support of getting to this goal.
Simple.
:)
Getting off my meds becomes even more imperative now. I'm disappointed that my blood pressure is still high. The last reading was a couple of days ago, 29 May, 149/88 for 68 beats/min heartrate. My fasting blood sugar reading is a little more encouraging down to 6.5 mmol/l from 1 June. I am pleased to note that on 28 May my widest part (hip and belly overhang!) measurement is now 66 inches and my waist is now 44 inches. I still feel heavy and lumbering, even though moving and getting up and walking up stairs is much easier now.
That last thought, about stairs. Maybe that is what I need to do, walk up a few flights of stairs every day. :) If swimming proves to be too expensive for me to do when I go back, walking and stairs will be my exercise. Parks and roads, towpaths are free of charge, days I have a bus ticket I can go somewhere different to my local places and still be able to get home without exhausting myself :)
I do love to swim though, so I am going to try and make that a priority in my budget and schedule.
My best scenario? No meds at all, not for hypertension or for diabetes. Eating low carb consistently, no wheat or gluten, no added sugar or excessive fruits, perhaps with some very low carb weeks and intermittent fasting. Having my finances sorted so my house pays for itself with some renters on a long lease so I can come back and stay with Mum while they are there. Finding a job or a career or building a business that I can do here and over there so I can support myself. In short, re-invent myself totally!
Heh. It's a tall order, but I can do it. Make small changes, make some big leaps, set some practical measures in place. Talk to my family, maybe they will have some good advice on how I can do this. Time to change my life around again in a major way.
The best thing is, now I do have the energy to do this.
Possessions weigh a person down. I'm going to pare mine down a lot. No doubt even after I have done my cull, I will still have lots, but it will be stuff that I can use when I come back. I'll hopefully choose some responsible housemates who will look after the house well. I'll think of some kind of business that I will enjoy and will allow me to live anywhere and still run it and make a living from it. And I get to be with my Mum.
I've just read through what I have written and laughing at myself. I am expecting a total transformation in two scant months? Hah, get real, doofus! It is going to take me a couple of years to really transform my body and my health. But the other stuff, the possessions and earning a living, that I can address now. A few months more getting healthier and maybe doc will reduce my meds or even take me off the diabetes stuff. Being fat doesn't mean my brain has stopped functioning, I can work, I just have to show people that I can. Millions of fat people have jobs. And I'm going to apply for lots. And think outside my narrow work thoughts box!
A zumba class might be fun to try when I go back, so doing some stair climbing and more walking this coming month is my addition to the 5x 1 hour swim weekly.
Writing about these worries has helped me pinpoint how to go about resolving them, instead of enlarging them in my mind to big hurdles. I'm not minimising those concerns, just making sure that my self, my subconscious gets the message that I can deal with it, and to pre-empt any tendency to go hide from the world again. I've got energy now, and the way to keep that momentum going is to keep plugging away at my present course, and start paying attention to other stuff so I can achieve this goal. So I've clarified to myself what I want to do next. So what I do next will be in support of getting to this goal.
Simple.
:)
Saturday, 24 May 2014
Feeling cranky
It's Saturday and I am feeling cranky. I ascribe this to not going swimming, eating carbs beyond my allotted higher threshold and snacking while indulging in my worst vice - late night reading! Lack of sleep can be laid at that last activity...perhaps my hormonal cycle plays a part as well. I'm normally quite even tempered but this last week I have been quite cranky and short-tempered with everyone!
The thing I can fix quickest is to just go swimming everyday, no matter how short the time. The pool and that water always makes me feel happy. Of course my happiness is at its highest if the pool is empty and it is a sunny day, but I will no doubt be feeling good just dipping into that lovely vat of blue for half an hour of moving my limbs in a vaguely swimming fashion. Note to self: attempt the pool everyday. The worst scenario, the pool is full of kids. The best, I arrive at a time they're all at lunch and I'm only sharing the pool with a few adults and their babies :)
Carbs - well, I've been letting sugar, starches and grains back into my menu that's why. If I get more strict about root veggies, starchy veggies and stop eating grains & sugar again, my carb count will go right back to sub 100g again. Maybe keep some veggie sticks for snacking on instead, so I get good carbs. Use that beautiful pesto we made last week with some home made mayo or sour cream dip for some healthy fats.
The reading is a habit I managed without for nearly a month. Perhaps doing some walking indoors listening to music will help me sleep, and save the reading for daytime hours. My sleep pattern has been erratic of late, got to sort that out. So much better to be awake from dawn than snoozing the coolest prettiest part of the day away. Dawn here is around 7ish anyway, so I'm not talking super early.
As for my hormonal cycle, I just wish my body would get on with it. Exercise definitely helps, and so does eating low carb, moderate protein, high fat, no added sugar, no gluten.
Intellectually I know all these things, and physically I know they all work well for my fitness and health. But sometimes that siren call of wheat, sugar and especially sweet wheat sugary food gets overwhelming. Good thing then that I have that 80% 20% rule. Today is in that 20% of eating just what I want, so perhaps that sort of eating has been contributing to my crankiness.
Ah, so good to vent into a blog about all these things that racket around in my brain. Some of it makes practical sense, others are just cathartic to remove into words.
OK, may be time to put on my sandals and just go for a little saunter around and build up some Fitbit steps. That way when I tuck into that yummy bread & butter pudding for dinner tonight I won't feel quite so cranky tomorrow!
The thing I can fix quickest is to just go swimming everyday, no matter how short the time. The pool and that water always makes me feel happy. Of course my happiness is at its highest if the pool is empty and it is a sunny day, but I will no doubt be feeling good just dipping into that lovely vat of blue for half an hour of moving my limbs in a vaguely swimming fashion. Note to self: attempt the pool everyday. The worst scenario, the pool is full of kids. The best, I arrive at a time they're all at lunch and I'm only sharing the pool with a few adults and their babies :)
Carbs - well, I've been letting sugar, starches and grains back into my menu that's why. If I get more strict about root veggies, starchy veggies and stop eating grains & sugar again, my carb count will go right back to sub 100g again. Maybe keep some veggie sticks for snacking on instead, so I get good carbs. Use that beautiful pesto we made last week with some home made mayo or sour cream dip for some healthy fats.
The reading is a habit I managed without for nearly a month. Perhaps doing some walking indoors listening to music will help me sleep, and save the reading for daytime hours. My sleep pattern has been erratic of late, got to sort that out. So much better to be awake from dawn than snoozing the coolest prettiest part of the day away. Dawn here is around 7ish anyway, so I'm not talking super early.
As for my hormonal cycle, I just wish my body would get on with it. Exercise definitely helps, and so does eating low carb, moderate protein, high fat, no added sugar, no gluten.
Intellectually I know all these things, and physically I know they all work well for my fitness and health. But sometimes that siren call of wheat, sugar and especially sweet wheat sugary food gets overwhelming. Good thing then that I have that 80% 20% rule. Today is in that 20% of eating just what I want, so perhaps that sort of eating has been contributing to my crankiness.
Ah, so good to vent into a blog about all these things that racket around in my brain. Some of it makes practical sense, others are just cathartic to remove into words.
OK, may be time to put on my sandals and just go for a little saunter around and build up some Fitbit steps. That way when I tuck into that yummy bread & butter pudding for dinner tonight I won't feel quite so cranky tomorrow!
Thursday, 22 May 2014
Awesome Mums and being the one mile swimmer again
Yesterday I did it. After 4 days of inactivity because weekends I don't swim, was too tired Monday due to lack of sleep, and Tuesday it rained heavily all day, I was itching for some swimming. Yesterday the sun shone. And shone. And shone. The pool was beautiful, blue, and I was down there early, 10.30am. So I got in and swam. I swam my usual 40 lengths/1 hour. Then I thought, let's do another 10. I have this little trick of marking the limestone tile at the far end with a wet handprint at the end of each alternate 25m. So I counted 5 handprints. Then I thought, the sun is still shining, it is hot, the water is so cool and lovely, I want to stay here. So I did another 10. Beginning to feel a little tired and hungry. Again I thought I've done 60, might as well do the next four for a mile. And I did. I marked each end lap with a double wet handprint. It was sooooo satisfying! And I was totally chuffed to bits. :)
I've swum one mile!
Awesome.
Compared to me of 2 months ago, who could barely manage walking 100 yards without having to stop for a breather or to unkink her sore aching back, the me of today is totally bouncing with health. I can walk continuously at a slow but steady pace for over 45 minutes without any back pain. I can swim 40 lengths continuously easily and happily. And I swam a whole mile yesterday. Awesome. Just awesome.
Today I swam 44 lengths. I've noticed that I am now marginally faster, another bit of awesomeness for me :)
And I have just one person to thank for all this: my lovely Mum, who has encouraged me in my low carb high fat diet, who is always supportive even when I fall off my chosen path and who is always here to listen to my rambles about diet and fitness and who has even to adopted some of my new eating habits and is feeling better for it.
Here's to awesome Mums and being a one mile swimmer again.
I've swum one mile!
Awesome.
Compared to me of 2 months ago, who could barely manage walking 100 yards without having to stop for a breather or to unkink her sore aching back, the me of today is totally bouncing with health. I can walk continuously at a slow but steady pace for over 45 minutes without any back pain. I can swim 40 lengths continuously easily and happily. And I swam a whole mile yesterday. Awesome. Just awesome.
Today I swam 44 lengths. I've noticed that I am now marginally faster, another bit of awesomeness for me :)
And I have just one person to thank for all this: my lovely Mum, who has encouraged me in my low carb high fat diet, who is always supportive even when I fall off my chosen path and who is always here to listen to my rambles about diet and fitness and who has even to adopted some of my new eating habits and is feeling better for it.
Here's to awesome Mums and being a one mile swimmer again.
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